The Best In Food Porn Part 2: 50 Shades Of Fruit & Vegetables

There are articles galore showing us responsible adults how we can get kids to eat more fruit and vegetables – and all the creative ways we can present it to make it absolutely irresistible.

All good stuff.

However, almost 50% of the adult population in New Zealand fails to meet current Ministry of Health recommendations with respect to fruit and vegetable intake. That is, at least three servings of vegetables and two of fruit daily.

It’s time to look after ourselves as well.

It’s time for adults to take action and eat more fruit and veg. They say sex sells, so what better way to entice your loving partner to eat more fruit and vegetables than transforming all that good, healthy food into something a little bit naughty.

Come
leh we go to de carnival
You be banana
I be avocado

Come
leg we hug-up
an brace-up
an sweet one another up
– Grace Nichols

While I’d love to hear more ideas from all of you, here are four racy ways to get adults to eat more vegetables.

1. Whip it. Whip it good.

Blend your fruit with some sexy strawberries and powerful protein. For some extra energy, serve it prior to that ‘morning workout’ for two. This recipe as no dairy, so it’s light on the tummy. Added bonus – no crumbs in the bed.

50g strawberries, raspberries or mixed berries
100g silken tofu
1 cup unsweetened almond milk
1 cup of ice

Summer satisfaction, guaranteed. If it’s a snuggle month like Winter, simply skip the ice.

2. Relax, honey, while I do all the work.

Nothing is sexier than a man cutting up a pineapple. Cutting pineapple is tough on a woman’s delicate hands (right ladies!?!), so it’s a great way for man to express his love for woman. A display of manly prowess is simply not complete without a macho pineapple cutting session.

Let your woman sit back, relax and be pampered. And nothing says relaxation like a pina colada.

Hey, you have a lovely bunch of coconuts.

Here’s a delicious pina colada sans alcohol to perk up your relationship.

1 cup chopped fresh pineapple
1/4 cup chilled pineapple juice
1/2 medium banana
1/4 cup light coconut milk
1/2 cup crushed ice

Must be served accompanied with the following words:

Baby, if you were a fruit you’d be a fineapple.

3. Put a cucumber in your …

… blender.

1 cucumber
2 green apples, halved
4 stalks celery, leaves removed
1/2 lemon, peeled
1 (2cm) piece fresh ginger
6 leaves kale (optional as, while it’s wonderfully healthy, there is absolutely nothing sexy about kale)

Cucumber is one of the healthiest, most perfect things to insert into your orifice. I’m talking about your mouth, you filthy minx.

If you were a vegetable you’d be a cutecumber

4. Get silly

Sex is funny. Despite our best efforts, it’s very rarely as perfect and erotic as this, below.

Luckily fruit is always funny. When it’s not busy being all healthy and good for you, it’s rather hilarious. And strangely kinky.

Hey baby let’s play a fruity game … I pop your cherry with my banana.

OR

Hey handsome. Let me lick your cherries.

Eat your heart out, 50 Shades Of Grey. Couples in love, renew your love of all things fruit and vegetables together. Enjoy a healthy, long life together while reading out loud in bed the book Eat Me by Linda Jaivin – some of the best erotic fiction ever written, a best seller in the USA and Australia back in 1995.

She ran her fingers over the fresh figs. Surprising little sacs they were. Funny, dark and wrinkled, yet so exquisite on the tongue. Mother Nature had surely been thinking of Father Nature when she invented figs. – Eat Me

Feel free to, ahem, take as many photos as you like of your new healthy exploits. Erotic wall art print anyone? It might be a bit awkward for our canvas makers, but I’m sure they’ll cope.